Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
