If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize