I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
