Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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