you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize