I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
no, he came in my armpit
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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