I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
