She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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