im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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