he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
