every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
