I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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