do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You ruined the universe
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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