Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
MIDGETS
????
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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