i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
