Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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