so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
