and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
