i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
