I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
