I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
