She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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