I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize