I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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