Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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