bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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