hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
