He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
