i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
