life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
