it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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