Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
