oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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