i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
is it fun? or sober?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize