id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My bed smells like the plague
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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