There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
