You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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