You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
