Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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