Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
