I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
