I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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