So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
