oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
