I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
