just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
