I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
