why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
