My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize