I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
