you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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