True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
