I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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