We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to stop coming to work sober
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh god it's open bar.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
