Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
