I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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