No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
