omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
