We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
