I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize