remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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