Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
