Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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