I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
