i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So vagazzling was a success
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
