You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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