She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
