please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize