The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
