i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
do herpes really smell.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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