Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
