Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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