....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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