you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
