i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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