If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
