The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
