yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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